Validation is for parking
This has been my mantra (on and off) for the past month.
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean that I don't welcome feedback and constructive criticism, but I have been (and still am) working really hard towards equanimity.
I have always been really sensitive, things that people tell me used to have the power to crush me down. Sometimes I could spend an entire night awake, thinking about an unresolved situation.
Now it is a lot better, but sometimes insecurity and self doubt can be like a crushing force that sits on my chest, like an overweight elephant taking a nap, there, chilledon my rib cage.
Trust me, it is exhausting.
Rationally, in my head, I know I can't please everyone, I know it doesn't matter, and I know my worth and happiness come from the inside, and not from anyone's feedback. Well, easy to say, right?
So, what do I do?
Well, it is still a work in progress, but here is my action plan when I start feeling this weight in my chest:
First of all, I always remind myself that it is fine. I am allowed to feel threatened, it is ok to feel bad, it is ok to have low moments. Acknowledging feelings and accepting them is a really important step toward knowing yourself, loving yourself, and living peacefully with yourself.
2- Step back
I am not my feelings. I feel strange and bad, I am not strange and bad. I can observe my feelings without identifying with them! Wake the witness up. Observe your feelings instead of being them!
3- Get comfortable
First, stay a little with your feeling of insecurity... Breath with it. Take a moment to live with it. We don't need to be happy or in a state of bliss all the time. Discomfort happens, so why deny it?
4- What can I learn from that?
Now that you stepped back from your ego and hurt, take a moment to analyse what you can get away from this situation. Why does it hurt so much? What can I learn from it?
5- Let go
Use anything that works for you, a mantra ("validation is for parking", "I rock"), the following meditation... Anything really, and LET GO of this sh**, it is not worth your time or your thoughts and certainly not your peace of mind.
Prepare a 5 or 10 minutes timer (or more).
Take a comfortable seat, on a cushion, a chair, or anything that makes you feel comfortable and aligned.
Lengthen the top of your head toward the sky, relax your shoulders and let the back of your hands rest on your knees.
Close your eyes.
Take a moment to find your vertical line, from your coccyx to the top of your head, leaning back or forward gently to align.
Take Rudra mudra, bringing the tips of your thumb, index and ring fingers together, and extend the last two fingers, and relax them as much as possible.
Rudra Mudra is "the ruler is the solar plexus chakra", helping with self confidence, inner power and will.
Imagine you are at the center of a spinning wheel. a big spinning wheel that turns all around you. You are calm and peaceful at the center, observing the wheel.
Repeat in your head "I rest at my center and draw strength and joy from my center".
Source: MUDRAS, yoga in your hands, Gertrud Hirschi.